I have recommitted myself to working on this blog... perhaps as a journal... perhaps as a place just to share with you what happens in my world. As is the case for today. It is Thanksgiving 2009, and rather than share stories about my holiday (okay, to be fair, it is only 10:22 AM, and nothing has really happened), I am going to report on a DVD that we recently watched.
WRISTCUTTERS: A LOVE STORY
And as it sounds, it is about people that cut their own wrists... or commit suicide in some other grim manner. But it isn't as depressing as it's made out to be. The story is about a young man named Zia that ends his own life, and ends up in an alternate reality inhabited by people who have commit suicide. In this alternate universe he meets up with a Russian rocker who befriends him as he sets out to make sense of his new world. Along the way he meets a girl who feels that she is not in the right place, as she had died from a drug overdose. Her mission is find those "in charge" and get things put right.
The movie encompasses their journey to make sense of this life, and even features a tasty performance by Will Arnett (Arrested Development).
One of my favorite moments of the film is when Zia first arrives in this other world, and goes in to a bar. This is where he first meets other suicide victims, with the musical accompaniment of Joy Division, playing in the background. For those familiar with Joy Division, you immediately find the humor in this.... for those of you not... well, Ian Curtis (former vocalist for Joy Division) commit suicide, when he hanged himself. The rest of the band continued on under the moniker, NEW ORDER. Most people my age have heard of them.
Either way, I am not going to recommend this film to everyone, but for those of you that enjoy a quirky, sometimes tender story, this is something you may enjoy.
My wife and I just rented the movie "FOOD, INC." from Netflix, and although it contained a lot of information that we already knew, I felt it important enough to share with you. This movie, which was just released on DVD, this past Tuesday (11/03/09), delves into the manufacturing of much of the food that we, as Americans, consume... each and every day. It delves into the problems associated with our food sources as this country migrates from the independent farms to "factory farms", which receive protection from our government. It talks about how our eating habits have necessitated the need for mass production of meat products, which has not only resulted in the demise of the American farmer, but has resulted in a disturbing downturn in the quality of food that we (the American public) have access to.
The following is the trailer for the film, FOOD, INC.:
Thanks to Kate for sending me the link to the photos, and subsequently video, of this darling little animal.
The following is a 13 minute clip of "raw" video footage, of Utah's baby elephant, as she scampers around the pen. I gathered a little information, while watching the video, listening to the audio of both reporters and zoo personnel, discussing the animal.
First, the animal is just over a month old. She (it is a female, if that wasn't a clue) is the result of artificial insemination, which occurred nearly two years ago. The gestation period in elephants is 22 months.
I just finished listening to one of the best audio books that I have EVER listened to. Why was it so good? Was the suspense keeping me on the edge of my seat? Were the characters riveting, beyond belief? Did it have the right amount of romance, to keep me enticed? Nope. Nada. None of the above.
The book of which I speak, is "THE NEW EARTH", by Eckhart Tolle.
I was first exposed to the writings (and teachings) of Eckhart Tolle, a few years ago, while delivering mail, in the Sugarhouse (a community in Salt Lake City) area. One of my customers (and good friends), Sean, had given me two of the three compact discs, that accompanied the first Eckhart Tolle book, "THE POWER OF NOW". In that book, Mr. Tolle teaches how we need to learn to bring ourselves to "the Now", by letting go of the past, and not dwelling on the future. In this practice, we can reach Enlightenment, and find greater happiness, in our lives. I fully believe this philosophy, as I have people close to me, that suffer with insecurity, as well as depression, based on life experiences. In that book, we are taught that we need to really only focus on the Now... or the present. By doing so, the only part of our lives that remain important, are those experiences that we are currently going through.
These teachings transcend "THE POWER OF NOW", and continue in "A NEW EARTH". In "A NEW EARTH", Mr. Tolle addresses the Ego. Not the ego, as we often think of it... although related to our traditional definition.... at least, MY traditional definition of it. I always associated "ego" with conceited people. Those that felt they were in a class better than others. The following is the definition of "ego", as found in Merriam-Webster's Dictionary.
1: the self especially as contrasted with another self or the world2 a:egotism 2 b:self-esteem 13: the one of the three divisions of the psyche in psychoanalytic theory that serves as the organized conscious mediator between the person and reality especially by functioning both in the perception of and adaptation to reality — compare id,
This really struck me as the definition as described by Eckhart Tolle. The self, especially as contrasted with another self or the world. Interesting... In "A NEW EARTH", we are challenged to overcome ego. Too many times in life, we are controlled by ego.... by how we label ourselves.... or a worry about how others may label US. We worry about the clothes that we wear. Do we fit in a certain class? Will I be accepted by my rich friends? Do I look poor?
I have known people, through the years of my life, that exhibit ego in one way or another. I once knew a young man who was a compulsive liar. His entire life story was either fabricated, or at the very least, exaggerated, in order to make his life seem superior to the lives of others. It was sad to see. What this young man had gone through, during his life, to cause him to act like this, is a mystery. By worrying about what people thought of him, he was never able to truly be "himself".
The second portion of this book deals with the "sick body". According to Mr. Tolle, the "sick body" is a part of us that affects the way we deal with people. The sick body is not actually a part of our essence, but something that we pick up as we move through this phase of our existence. From the moment we are born (when we are actually free of the "sick body", we go through experiences that create a sick body. It may be poor living conditions. It may be abuse. It may be simply living in an environment that is devoid of love. It may be two parents that don't truly love each other, that cause our sick body to grow. We don't even need to be directly abused (whether physically or mentally) to have this pain body grow within.
The "pain body" manifests itself in many ways. Whether through insecurity, anxiety, depression, fear, hate, anger, pain and suffering... these are ALL ways that the pain body oppresses our true self. Because our true self (spirit) is a pure being, the "pain body" is actually a separate entity. Although it is part of who we are, it is NOT part of our true self. Mr. Tolle challenges us to free ourselves from the "pain body", by practicing a few principles, in our lives. First, we need to free ourselves of ego. We need to continually remind ourselves of our TRUE self, and not attach labels to ourselves. We need to free ourselves of titles, such as "dumb", "ugly", "smart", "successful", etc., because by doing this, we put ourselves over (or under) others.
Another principle that Mr. Tolle challenges us to follow, is that of living in the Now. Being completely present. By doing this, we free ourselves of much of the sorrow that we encounter in our lives. He uses the example of getting a flat tire, out in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night, in a rain storm. This could be an experience that not only made us completely miserable for 20 minutes, but could ruin an entire day. But, IF we face the situation, simply telling ourselves, "It is, as it is", it reminds us that this is just a part of life. If we approach the situation with a peaceful demeanor, not only will we remain centered (helping to remedy the situation in less time), but our good energy will benefit the situation, including those around us.
In listening to this book, I really began to think about how I live my life... how people perceive me... (keeping in mind that I am just observing, and not judging myself)... and how I perceive others. I think we all work with (or interact with) people who are not pleasant to be around. They are a constant stream of negativity, and we find ourselves at a distance, from these people. These are people with dense "pain bodies". For whatever reason, their lives have been one that has accumulated a dense pain body. Eckhart Tolle likens the pain body to a parasite. As a parasite likes to invade a host body, and feed off of the host bodies nutrition, the pain body invades our natural self, and feeds off of the goodness that naturally dwells within ourselves. This same pain body will also draw us to people with similar pain bodies, creating an even greater negative energy.
Mr. Tolle talks about how there are some places on the earth, get off the plane, and sense a negative energy. I believe this to be true. He comments that this is more common in countries that have been around for thousands of years. A good example is that of the Middle East countries, where there often tends to be hostility (mainly religious, although sometimes based off of gender or nationalities) that creates a dense pain body, among the people of those countries.
Even in a country as young as the United States, there is a reasonable amount of negativity brought on by the collective pain body, because of the history of our country, and it's people. From the initial persecution of the Native Americans, to the slavery of thousands upon thousands of black people, to the several wars that we have been involved in, over the years, we push ourselves further and further, from the true Self.
It is up to each and every one of us, to let go of Ego.... and then let go of the pain body that lives inside each and every one of us. It isn't something that can be done overnight, but as Mr. Tolle teaches, if you but RECOGNIZE the pain body, this is the first step in overcoming it's hold. And with more practice, with a constant reminder to ourselves of all the things contained in this book, we can change this world, for the better. We may not be able to create a Utopian society, but at the very least, we can make OUR lives richer... spiritually speaking... and even touch the lives of those around us.
I recommend that each and every person read this book. It isn't a book for Christians... Hindus... Buddhists... or non-spiritual people, specifically.... it is for EVERYONE. Mr. Tolle calls upon the teachings of Christ, of the Buddha, of different philosophers and teachers throughout the history of the world. He uses their messages, in conjunction with his message, to create a recipe that can not only bring peace to ourselves.... but to the world as a whole.
Note: The following random journal entry is word for word. Punctuation and/or grammar has NOT been changed.
01/25/1979
Today I went to school like usual. During Band I had found my music for Soul Rock and Cosmic Sea, two groovy songs. On Tuesday, the 23rd, I had somehow misplaced them. I checked home, but couldn't find them anywhere. And during band, I found them in one of my books. I started to whistle and scream because I had found them. Later during lunch recess I coached a game. The game was flipping cards. I made sure that nobody cheated or flipped to low. After school I looked at my Battlestar Galactica cards and put them in number order. After dinner I watched "Mork & Mindy" a very funny show. After I watched T.V., I watched Dicky do a "Dataman" a little calculator robot. He had to practice on his 12 times tables. I wiped him out when I tried it.
I have been silent for quite some time, and I will work to catch you up with the collective "goings on", in my life.
For the past week I was at CAMP VALOR, a camp for kids with bleeding disorders. Camp has started a day later, for the past couple years (Tuesday, rather than the traditional Monday), and ended abruptly, yesterday morning, when a wildfire forced the evacuation of our campers. I will go into more detail, later... but for now, I just wanted to post the local news story involving our campers.
First things first, let me get this out of the way...... I'M MORMON! Of course, if you have been reading this blog for any given amount of time, you would probably know that. So, please keep this in mind, as you read what I have to say.
I am currently reading a book, that (in my opinion) should be required reading. Yeah, there should probably be an age limit on it being requisite reading material... but it should eventually be read by EVERYONE.
The book is "NO MORE GOODBYES" (subtitled: "Circling the Wagons around Our Gay Loved Ones), by CAROL LYNN PEARSON. For those of you that may be Mormon... and probably in the 35+ age bracket, you most probably know that name. Carol Lynn Pearson is a famous LDS poet, and also the writer of the famous LDS based musical, MY TURN ON EARTH, which deals with the purpose of life... WHERE we came from, WHY we're here and WHERE we are going. This musical was famous (well, LDS "famous") back in the 1970s.
In 1986, when I was serving a mission for the LDS Church, Carol Lynn wrote a book called, "GOODBYE, I LOVE YOU". This was an autobiographical book, that detailed her marriage to Gerald Pearson, a gay Mormon, who thought that IF he were to get married, that he would eventually be able to give up the same sex attractions that he had been feeling, since a young man. He was unable to overcome those urges, and eventually surrendered to his same sex attractions, causing the eventual end of their marriage. Carol Lynn and Gerald remained close friends, up until the time that Gerald died of AIDS.
But hey... this post isn't about THAT book, it's about her more recent book. But you knew that. So, let me move on...
After 20 years, and living a fruitful life as a champion for the gay men and women who are persecuted by their families (and unfortunately religions), Carol Lynn released "NO MORE GOODBYES". Rather than just a continuation of "Goodbye, I Love You", this book takes OTHER PEOPLE'S stories. Some tender, some heartbreaking, but ALWAYS engaging, this book is full of touching stories.
Now, as for me, my first (knowingly) encounter with a gay man, was when I was 18 years old. Yes, I know... seems pretty old, by today's standards... but that was the case. Little did I know that I had gone to school with several gay people, but some of them were even relatively good friends. I even discovered, several years after high school, that one of my favorite teachers (and one of the most respected at the high school) was gay. The signs were there, but I was just too naive to realize it.
It wasn't until many years later, that I really began to closely associate with gay individuals. As an employee of the United States Postal Service, one of the most diverse employers in the country, I got to know several gay people.... some, very closely. Not THAT closely, if you are getting funny ideas. I got to know two gay individuals during my first five years with the Postal Service, and even considered them some of my best friends... at least on a work level. I honestly didn't carry those relationships over too much, into my personal life... not by choice, but just because we lived different lives.
I even had a boss, that through many relationship struggles (with women), finally "came out of the closet", and embraced who he was. He was never happier. The one consistency amongs all these gay men that I considered good friends? ALL "returned missionaries", meaning that they had all served missions for the LDS (or Mormon) Church.
Now, back in the 1950's, 1960's and even well into the later years of the 20th Century, many LDS Church leaders were known to be very vocal about the evils of homosexuality, even to the point of comparing it's wickedness to that of those that commit "beastiality". Because of these teachings, the LDS community had really built a wall "protecting" themselves from those that they considered to be not much better than a pedophile. It was a hard time, and one that some leaders have even shown a bit of remorse, for the way that those issues were dealt with.
Back to Carol Lynn's most recent book.... this book takes MANY stories of LDS people, who knew from when they were young... in some cases, 8-9 years of age...that they felt certain "feelings" for members of the same sex. The book is full of stories of young men and women who did everything in their power to fight those "urges" that they were feeling, and in many cases, living a life that very few Mormon's can dedicate themselves to. There was one particular story that broke my heart. A gentleman talking about how he dedicated himself into the service of the Lord, doing EVERYTHING he possibly could, thinking that it would eventually "cure" him. He got married, had children and even eventually served in an LDS bishopric (leadership of a local LDS congregation). Nothing took away his feelings, and he eventually fell into a deep depression. He had been fighting depression his entire life, but he eventually became suicidal. He finally accepted who he was, and broke the news to his wife. Unfortunately his story is NOT alone. Some of these men and women eventually chose to end their lives, rather than live a life where they felt "broken".
I have been amazed, as I read story after story of people who have been forced to come to terms with who they are. Some left the Church, in order to (quite literally) save their lives. Some that were married, because of the love that they have for their spouses (albeit, not a "romantic" love) have chosen to keep their families together. Some knew that they needed to end a frustrating and confused era of their lives, and start anew... trying to live as they were meant to be.
The one thing that Carol Lynn Pearson really wants to point out, is that no matter what religion we belong to... whether we are Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Jewish, etc., that we have gay friends and loved ones. And, specifically addressing the Christians (whether they be Mormon or not), letting us know that IF we are following the teachings of Christ, that behind loving the Lord, our God, we have been commanded to love our neighbors, as ourselves. This doesn't mean that we love all of our neighbors, except for the foreigners.... it doesn't mean that we love all our neighbors, as long as they attend the same church as us.... and it DEFINITELY does not mean that we love our neighbors, except for those that love differently than we do.
Please understand that I do not (knowingly) have ANY gay individuals in my family... both immediate or extended. It has only been through my relationships with gay friends, where I have learned their honest feelings... their honest beliefs... and have formed my OWN opinion about homosexuality. I firmly believe that homosexuality, in MOST cases (yes, I believe that there are those who "experiment", who jump on a collegiate bandwagon, or who have possibly been abused...mentally, physically and sexually... who have CHOSEN to follow that lifestyle) is a genetic thing... something that scientists don't truly understand. Even LDS Church leaders have softened up their stance on the comparisons to those that engage in beastiality, and have admitted that there is still a lot that we have to learn. President Gordon B. Hinckley, beloved Prophet of the LDS Church, even addressed this on the Larry King Show.
So, although I may be looked down on by some of my fellow churchgoers, I truly believe in what Carol Lynn Pearson is trying to accomplish with her most recent book. I admire that she is not afraid to take a potentially controversial stance, knowing that it may ruffle feathers with those of her faith... while all the while being able to FIRMLY stand in her faith. Nothing has saddened me more, than hearing from my gay friends who were "return missionaries" of how much they hated the LDS Church, and in some cases, Christ... blaming Him for the lot that they have been dealt in life.
Carol Lynn has written this book to help the non-gay understand the gay individual. She has also written this book as a plea to the gay individual, asking them to NOT shut out those that may have rejected them. It is a beautiful book, it is a touching book, it is a loving book... and most of all, I think it serves as a great stepping stone, helping to fill in the divides that fill our society, with the goal of eventually bringing us together... brothers and sisters in the Human Race.
In closing, I want to add a paragraph, taken from the book, NO MORE GOODBYES. It helps answer questions as to why God would create a gay person.... one of the issues that most LDS people can't seem to get past.
'What if- things are not always as they appear? What if, in the grand design of things, none of us finally is a victim? What if our Large Eternal Self actually agreed to certain general challenges that our small mortal self would experience in the service of profoundly vital understanding and growth? What if we are each in the correct classroom being assigned the correct homework, and what if the answer to the question on every test is to love a little more? What if all pain can be labor pain? What if it's okay that there are so many mysteries? What if we are held in the arms of angels all the time? What if, strangely, all is well?'
My name is Sean, I am a 41 year old husband and father of three lovely girls. Unofficial Vice President of the "Slow Swimmers Club". I live in West Valley City, Utah where I was born and raised.
